Monday, May 6, 2013

Me in May

I've waffled a bit on posting this.  Ok, a lot, not a bit. 

I can't even really identify why, only that I don't normally like the term "Before and After" photos.  First off, I was never a BEFORE, I was just me.  I was still happy, fulfilled, blessed with an amazing family and surrounded by friends. I just knew that there was more for me physically.  I wanted to be healthier and comfortable.  Also, I don't feel like an After either.  I'm just me and I like who I am...just like I did before.

I don't see the "before" as a sad time, but when I look at pictures of myself a year ago, I do like seeing the physical changes I have made and what I see is a difference in health.  I FEEL so much better physically and in some ways mentally as well.  Running has changed how I see the world (but I have already rambled about that here.)

After all that explaining, I still feel like it's nice to gauge my progress on how my body has changed and I feel proud to have worked so hard and have my outsides matching my insides more.  I should be proud of the progress I have made.  That's not vain, right?  Maybe it's because I have spent so long making sure people know that I am who I am, regardless of my weight...or that you shouldn't focus on your looks so much...but it FEELS GOOD to look at this change in myself.  I see not only someone that has lost weight, but a strong, athletic body, and I should be proud of my achievements. AND, I am changing on the inside as well?  I am.  I don't think it's really the weight though, it's the triumph I feel because of running.  I just need to stop rambling and post it.  I'm not ashamed to say I'm happy with the changes I have made.

Same shirt,  different year.

I'm going to hit publish before I lose my nerve.

14 comments:

  1. GORGEOUS! Love that outlook! Even though I'm no longer trying to lose weight, I don't think I'm an "after" either, because I'm constantly working to build a stronger and better me, both physically and mentally! Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thanks Rachel, I don't know why it was so hard to post, but I'm glad I did.

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  2. You look fantastic (before and after) and most definitely not vain! Be 110% proud of your amazing achievement! :)

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  3. You look great, girl! Congratulations!! :0)

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  4. First of all, you look GREAT and better yet, I know you FEEL great! Second of all, I can't help but feel a little responsible for some of your trepidation in posting this... and that is never my intention!! There is a big difference between people pushing their product/program/plan with before and after pics that try to make women feel inferior for not living up to the "after" ideal and what you're doing here. You are celebrating your journey and your strength which is amazing and not something you should EVER hesitate to share! I see a sliver of myself in that first picture and I just happen to be wearing the same dress I'm wearing today. Physically I haven't changed much but I think I could put up side by side pics of myself and talk about changes as well- I stand up straighter, prouder, less apologetic. I am healthier and that shows in my appearance. If we are living life well then we are constantly on a journey of reaching a better self. No one is perfect and stubbornly refusing to change in the name of "self-acceptance" seems misguided. Self-acceptance isn't about a refusal to have goals or move forward, it's about loving yourself no matter what and enjoying life to the fullest right now instead of waiting to be happy when some all of our goals are met. For me it's also about accepting that some goals will never be appropriate and learning to be okay with that.

    So, that was a long-winded ramble (that I'll probably tweak and blog about myself, lol) so I could say that I think the progress you've made is fantastic!! <3

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    1. haha! You know me too well, my friend. I was on pins and needles, worried you wouldn't even respond...because YOUR opinion matters to me! <3 It's just that we've talked so many times about it and I'm finding it hard to balance loving myself now with feeling like that means I have to NOT love who I was then. And I DID love myself then, but now I love myself as well, and maybe more because of the accomplishments I have made. It makes me feel bad in some bizarre way, like I should have been happier with myself then as well. And you are so right that it's not always a physical change. I hold myself differently, I feel stronger and braver and smarter (LOL...nod to MA there). I carry myself differently and feel like my outsides match my insides more than ever. I can see that this will always be evolving though, so maybe it will get easier as I go.

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    2. Well, it's always about balance isn't it. ;)

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    3. And why does wordpress keep randomly using my current username and my old one? That's so weird!!

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  5. You should be SO proud of your achievements! Running has helped me lose weight, too and I feel like it's one of the few things in life that I can truly say "I did this for me and only me." :)

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    1. Thank you Kim! Yes, just for ME. I have been overweight all of adulthood, but this is the first time I have really lost and done it not just to get skinny, but for another purpose. It's funny, if you told me I would never lose another pound from running, I would still run! It was just a fantastic perk that came along with doing something I love.

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