Thursday, January 16, 2014

What's wrong with me?

Oh boy, if you are looking for something uplifting to read, you may want to skip my blog today.  I just need to vent, talk through some things, and brainstorm.  

Where to start.  Well, after my 10 mile run where my knees felt like cracking in half the last mile, I spend the last 4 days hobbling around but each day feeling better.  I accepted this as just overuse, I seem to take much much longer to bounce back after long runs that the average person (WHY is this???).  After my 9 mile run I was worried about my heel bursitis b/c it was feeling tweaked for well over a week.  After my 8 mile run my quads were really sore for about 5 days...and on...and on...

I've considered that I'm a hypochondriac.  Is that possible?  I don't know but what I know is that when I do what other people do, I end up injured or I take a ridiculous amount of time to recover.  I doubt it's in my head b/c it pisses me off to no end and each time I think I'm finally going to be injury free, something else hurts.  

I tried to run today since I had not run since Sunday and my knees were finally feeling fine.  My right knee took longer to feel better, but I was fine with no discomfort this morning.  Started a slow run on the treadmill and could feel the stiffness right away.  I thought maybe it just needed to loosen up but by 1.8 I was struggling to even finish out with 2 miles.  PAIN in that right knee.  *sigh* Oh I should try to be positive...the left knee felt fine?!?!?

I have considered that being a vegetarian might be slowing my recovery times but I've been tested and my blood levels always show I'm fine, no vitamin deficiencies.  I eat tons of protein, love greek yogurt...

I would think it has to do with age, but even when I started running in my late 20s I was plagued with injuries and pain (and why I quit back then) 

I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia years ago but my Dr. told me it's just what they tell people when they don't know what's wrong.  I found that Vitamin D greatly helped me and I have no more soreness/pain on a normal day...but maybe this running recovery issue is related?

I just think after running for over a year consistently, building up my miles, taking it slow, adjusting and adjusting...that I would have gotten somewhere.  I'm seeing a lot of people post about how they ran their 10 miles and could have gone further, they are ready for the half.  I feel the complete opposite.  Sure I ran 10 miles, but it was hard, painful (where have my FUN, Spiritual, meditative, feel-fantastic runs gone?) and I hurt for DAYS afterwards.  I don't want to be pushed around in a wheelchair the rest of the week I'm in Disney.  Maybe my expectations are off?  I thought once I built up my runs would be just as enjoyable as the shorter runs are.

I'm sure I can walk the half.  I know I can...but I didn't put all this energy, training, sweat, tons of tears, and pain into walking a half marathon.  I want to RUN!  

I know complaining and whining about this won't change a thing, but sometimes you just have to get it out to move on. I'm putting it out here so I can let go of it b/c it's not going to do me any good to stress over it.  I'm going to run this race and I'm going to get it done.   I'm starting to try and adjust my expectations of being elated that I ran because at this point I think I might be dragging myself over the finish in pain and not feeling like I kicked that 13.1's ass as much as I thought I would.  I will be crossing the finish line though, so maybe that's the only expectation I need to hold on to!

If you made it through that, I appreciate it.  I know it's not fun to read stuff like this, but it's what's going on.  I can't sugarcoat it just because others are reading.  This is my journey and I want to record it... AND....no photos!  I'm a disgrace as a blogger but there it is. 

17 comments:

  1. What you are going through sounds rough :0( I wish I could help... have you seen a doctor recently to see what's going on? Do you do lots of stretches and foam rolling to help in those areas that hurt? I hope you heal up well before the Princess Half. You will do great - I just know it!

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    1. Thanks Lauren. I haven't gone to a Dr. recently because I don't have insurance. I have in the past and they don't seem to have any answers for me. I'm thinking that it has something to do with muscle recovery, I'm researching it.

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  2. This is always the tough part about training. The uncertainty of how your body will perform. I find it interested that you say in your post, "I doubt it's in my head b/c it pisses me off to no end..." I always find it amazing how much our mind controls how our body reacts to training. Granted, you have had issues with injury in the past, but I read you saying things to your self that bring up the negative energy of those past (reoccurring) injuries. That negative energy can manifest into something physical, I see it so often.

    As tough as it is, you need to think more positively and start visualizing the course when you run these longer runs. Take a look at the map and think of how awesome it will be to run through the TTC where there is a band playing and people cheering. How invigorating it will feel as you run closer to the entrance of the Magic Kingdom. The cool wash of adreneline you will get as you run down a spectator lined Main Street towards the castle! Hearing the gospel choir right before your last turn to the finish at Epcot. All these things are waiting for you during this experience you will embark on, don't think about the "what if" and "I can't believe this is happening" feelings. Those will always be there and choosing to concentrate on those will continue to diminsh your perspective and enjoyment of the experience as a whole.

    Stay strong, train conservatively (you are almost there) and let go of the feeling that there is something wrong and think of all the things that have gone right! It will hurt the day of the race, but you will get through it, I got through it and we are both strong chickas! I believe in you and know you will kill that course!

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    1. Thanks Lena. I usually bounce back (well, my mental state does, even if my physical does not) I'm a firm believer in positive energy, although my body seems to react even when I think/feel that all will be well. I'm really thinking this is a muscle recovery issue, like I'm not getting something that is causing my recovery to stall and/or easily be injured.

      When I do my run longs, I'm enjoying it, I mentally feel like I can go forever, my breathing is perfect, I visualize the castle or whatever I zone out/dream about...but near the end the pain is what gets me and this just does not sound normal from what I've read. It's not like I haven't accustomed my body to running, I ran over 500 miles in 2013, so the only thing I can think of is that this is some sort of reaction of the muscles b/c of the distance and not being able to recover. I'm looking into getting some L-Glutamine, it's supposed to help with muscle recovery. We'll see...I can only keep going!

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  3. when i saw jeff galloway talking last year, he said that this is very common among runners training for a first big race... part of that is real pain. and that doesnt mean that the other part is FAKE pain, but just that it is a different kind of pain that is not physiological in nature. ever notice that after an injury you get stressed and the pain goes right to the area of that injury. it feels tight and hurts? it is like that. he says rest your mind, and the rest will follow. obviously if it is excruciating pain, go see a doc, but expect to have your injuries from the past year to ache a little the closer you get to the race. it is normal.

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    1. That's what I thought maybe the tweaked heel feeling was last week, but this knee pain is something new. Lots of pain and swelling. Not sure what's going on but I'm back to rest for a bit!

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  4. I don't think that being vegetarian affects my recovery time at all. Granted, I find bruises on my legs more easily, some of which I assume are from impact with the pavement, but other than that, I haven't felt like it takes me a long time to recover. However, I have nothing to compare it to, since I didn't run when I ate meat. I can't remember if I told you this before, but when I had knee pain a few years ago, I went to PT and they diagnosed me with super tight back hamstrings (on my right leg) and weak hamstrings on the inside of my legs (on my right leg). This caused the knee cap to slip out of place and put me in a lot of pain -- so much pain that sometimes I had to be carried up the stairs after standing on my feet for a long time. I did exercises with resistance bands to loosen/lengthen the back hamstrings, a lot of balancing on uneven surfaces to build up the inside hamstrings, plus some walking with the resistance bands around my ankles down the length of the hallway (basically, you squat and take giant steps). I had to take a month off of running, but it made me feel so much better. I've also noticed that if my hips are tight, my knees will bother me more than if I'm loose and have been strength training to target these muscles. I hope you feel better! Maybe you have tight calves and that's messing with your heel AND your knee? I hope you figure it out though and that it doesn't affect you in the half !

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    1. Thanks Rachel! I'm definitely going to be doing some strength training and stretching. I did this morning immediately after the run. I'm also going to start taking Glutamine, which is supposed to help with muscle recovery. It's an amino acid, maybe I'm just deficient and that's why I'm so slow to recover and so easily injured??

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  5. How are you fueling during and after your runs? Maybe look into that. Also make sure to ice your knees after every run. And while they are hurting ice them once a day. And roll, roll, roll! So sorry girl! Injuries are so frustrating!

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    1. Thanks Mindy! I fuel during my runs with GU's, usually every 4 miles. Before and after I just eat. I eat a LOT of greek yogurt, potatoes, veggie burgers, broccoli, & salad. I ordered some Glutamine, which is supposed to help with recovery and I'm icing but unsure how to "roll" my knees. I have some ITband stretches that have done but that's it.

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    2. Glutamine has helped me! I didn't think it would, but it has helped for recovery after strength training (when I get the most sore) and after runs. Hopefully it will help you!

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  6. Girl, I'm with you.

    First, let me tell you a quick story. When I did my first PHM, I was doing a 2 mile run the day before as a shake out run. I was going along sidewalk around the Pop Century resorts when all of a sudden I tripped, went flying face first into the sidewalk right in front of a large bus of tourists. I was MORTIFIED... not to mention my knee was bloody, my arms banged up - I was a mess. That day, we were supposed to walk the parks, but I was limping a bit in pain from the fall. [Insert freak out here] my best friend and her friend (a Disney employee at the time) insisted they push me around in a wheelchair so I could rest up for my big race. At first I was embarrassed, but then I realized what they said made some sense and we were getting to the front of some of the lines for rides, so I couldn't complain there. The next day, for the race, I felt GREAT! No pain from the fall AND I PR'D! It was incredible. I really do think it helped to be pushed around in that wheel chair, as embarrassed as I had been about it.

    So... don't knock that wheelchair - it could be great for you! :)

    But I hear you. I'm struggling through training this time around. It all seems so much harder than it was about 6 months ago for me. I keep trying to keep my head up and positive, but its difficult when things don't feel like they're getting better. I just keep trying to get out there and do what I can, knowing that some training will prepare be better for race training than no training at all.

    You can do it - I hope your knees feel better soon :)

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    1. Thank you so much Alicia! I really needed to read that. It's not great for you, but it makes me feel better that I'm not alone. I'm feeling much better today, I am just going to let my knees heal a bit and give it some time. I still have 5 weeks and I've trained for this, I know I can do it!

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  7. I'm so sorry you've had so much pain! Definitely get lots of rest in - you've gotten to ten miles, so more rest is probably better for you at this point than more miles. Work on strength training and when you do run, take it slow (and maybe with regular walk intervals)! A doctor at this point would probably tell you not to run, but maybe look online for some PT exercises that might help strength things around the knee? Just take it easy and feel better soon - Jess

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    1. Thanks Jess! Missed your response here the other day!

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  8. Not sure if this has been suggested... Are you sure it's your KNEES that are bothering you? I thought I had knee problems too but it was IT (ileo-tibial) band problems. I now know what stretches to do before and after I run and have not had sore knees in almost a year. I feel for ya'! It is NO FUN to have pain from doing what you love to do and being worried you might not be able to continue on with it.

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    1. Well, it IS the knees, BUT...I found some info saying that rolling the quads and stretching the quads might help and have seen some improvement! Also, my quads on my right leg (the one with the bad knee) hurt more than the left quads (with the not hurting knee!) So I do think my IT band is involved in some way. I have been using a tennis ball but I ordered a foam roller too, hopefully it will help!

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